April 27, 2007
As usual I woke at around 12 pm. Had lunch and took a bath and had my sandyavandanam. I was little bit unhappy that the usual Samidadanam was not happening. I was feeling today the nervousness of how the people will react when they see a teenage boy reciting mantras and doing homas, and also the fact that the house where I am staying in rent the place is not so appropriate for a homa with Samidadanam. I need to find an alternative without liting the fire. What to tell the, society never will be able to understand the people who are going towards the infinity. The society has some set rules which they think everyone should follow. The people who are working on the journey towards infinity for them rules are not applicable as it will be like trying to use a 1 meter scale to measure an infinity of length that you have. What a foolish thing to be done by the society and its customary so called occupants.
Later in the evening I got my company cab and got into it. The people inside the cab always trying to look at the way you dress, the way you speak ... going on the list never ending. I was just amazed at the fact they never want to know what are the feelings that I have in the heart for them. Everyone just wants to go ahead and see you outer fashions and folleys. There is no place for your inner heart. In the way to my firm, I was just seeing some children playing and I was amazed at the kind of joy that I can see on their face. The people who are around me working hard and having the drinks; they call having drinks is fun; all I can see is that they are just committing a memory deletion by having some intoxicants and they have no real joy in their face. They are just like machines for whom you do some lubrication and it starts to work again. Still the machine is the machine itself.
Finally I reached my firm and saw lot of hot beautiful girls, but I was just thinking I would like to marry only one woman in my entire life. Why am I running behind all the girls that I see. Is that a kind of obsession that I have or it is some kind of mania that I have. All the answer that I get is that, it is just a lust that I have it in my mind which I need to overcome. Finally, I am trying to understand how lust works in one's mind and how powerful at times it can become. The desires are very powerful. They can fool even the strongest trained minds. I was busy with my work helping the customers with the computer related issues that they have. That work gives me a kind of satisfaction as you are helping people. I see them as humans who need help than customers. They are humans who need help and then only they become customers, and that lands be into trouble sometimes as I am exceed my boundaries getting policy alerts that are set by the policy department of the company.
After my busy schedule I was working on my website www.sivakiratham.com which I want to get into the top rank in the Google search which has a long way to go. Still I am having hopes on it as it is the first fully fledged website that I have ventured into. Now blogging has been started to let my ideas be spreading through this world.
to be continued